The first ever Maldivian bombing - and what went wrong.

"Hi guyz! How do I set them up da bomb!?"

- Ahmed Naseer

Ah, the first ever Maldivian bombing in this century. It had so much potential for lulz, and despite the promise; it ended in utter failure. Worse than failure. The beardie wannabes who tried to set up the bomb ended up as the targets of much amusement and criticisms, sounding the death knell for the "Islamic" groupies. Tsk tsk. Poor them.

In this article, we will take a look at how the bombing was carried out, how it failed, and how it stirred the collective mirth of many critics of Islam.

What went wrong:

1. Crappy target.
The bomb drop point was a hop, skip and jump from the main military fortress in Mal'e. Monitored 24/7 by Soviet-style CCTV. Geez, if they had gone and set the bomb by the gates at CHSE in an attempt to assassinate the lard ball who "lieks student torture pronz" who used to live there;- they'd have gained popularity, even though the butthurt military would catch them in 5 minutes and two seconds flat. But noo. What were they thinking?. Its like they went up to a wall of "Star Force" and said "Hay guize!. We're shitting bom-ooooofff!"(bomber has been IRL-banned.)

2. Crappy motive.
The motive of the bombing was to discourage "kuffar" tourists from coming to their perfect, perfect (lies) 100% muslim (moar liek fail, amirite?) little country, in case one of them could be an INTERPOL agent; and by some fortunate coincidence, could bust the child slavery/marriage/selling ring they were trying to set up here. However, the average tourist is more kinder and polite that at least 10 of the mullah wannabes combined. (Leading lost tourists out of the ghetto is a nice way for me to make some cash on the side.) - Also, the bomb blast injured the Japanese, the primary exporter of extremely crazy jap films that we liek (Battle Royale fuck yeah!), also of enriched uraniu- UHHH I MEAN DELICIOUS HENTAI. Also, the Japanese people are more polite that at least 100 mullah-wannabes (who eschew compassion and mercy; and treats all humans as "meat"(penis)). This has aroused the wrath of the ideological organization L.U.L.Z. Oh noes.

3. Crappy media timing.
Immediately after the bombing, it would have been wise for Adhaalath and the other wannabes to shut the fuck up. However, behind their "official" statements duly frowning upon the failed bombing, some members of the party, along with some assorted beardies were heard to mention that they were glad to witness the start of an "era" of jihadist movement, that would hopefully culminate in the final removal of the "tourism industry" - which they claim - is unislamic. *Facepalm* I wonder where they'll be getting their revenues from to clean up the debt left by The Elf and his homies?. Goat's milk?

4. ....One went to Pakistan.
I hope he brushed up on his Urdu, because if he didn't, he's going to get raped. In the ass. By TEH GOATMEN.

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The author of this post would like to thank the bombers for showing the world how retarded and biased their plans, target and escape plan was. Also, for providing the anti-wahhaabee critics something to chuckle over. Thanks to them, we have a general idea of how the beardies want to turn the country into. i.e - cut out the modern world and turn our little country into Backwoods Afghanistan.

If they do, remind me to start working on the comic book "Maldives-tan" (A spinoff off the japanese comic Afghanis-tan)