A blogger's guide to Warfare.

Credit to this post by Yaamyn on getting me inspired to write this one. In this article, I will touch upon the many, varied ways one can operate a one-man-army via the internet, and get away with it (or not, if that's to your taste - you drama whore, you!. :D )

You are one person, with differing opinions. The opposition is a vast, moneyed organization with hundreds upon hundreds of underlings. This is the first rule - overestimate your enemy at all times. They're better than you - and you will STILL fuck them up; or failing that, be a thorn in their sides for as long as you can.

Blogging represents a great opportunity to engage in leaderless resistance. Leaderless resistance is a political resistance strategy in which small, independent groups challenge an established adversary such as a government. Leaderless resistance can encompass anything from non-violent disruption and civil disobedience to bombings, assassinations and other violent agitation.

Pacifist One.

You are a kindly gentleman who has chosen a life of peace, in the hopes of someday helping people reach a better conclusion in life. However, your differing opinions and peace-valuing ideologues have angered many a fatwa-swinging beardie. Your sword is your peace-loving soul; and your shield is anonymity. You hope against hope that your gentle words, your peace-encompassing values and your love for the world is enough to make one more person understand.

Internet Warrior.

You're the classic internet blogger who's been angered by one too many push into what you consider "sacred territory." The Internet warrior depends on calm, logical skills to break apart enemy arguments and finds great mirth in doing so. Many people admire you for your almost-suicidal bravery in picking a fight against an enemy who is far superior to you in terms of funds, manpower and political clout - and twice are the number who hate you for doing so. Your greatest weapon is knowledge, which you use in ways most resourceful to shut up even the most ardent of the enemy supporters.

Psychopath.

O thou whos mind has warped beyond sanity by memories foul, and hatred withal!. Woe unto those who hath invited thy Wrath!. You are a ruthless individual, cruel and mocking. You blast open enemy's weak spots, and literally jam fetid maggot-knots in the wounds. Your greatest weapon is the absolute disregard for your own safety. Secure in the knowledge that one day you will join the soil and become one with it, you carry out your vendetta with unrelenting avarice, aiming to shock and dismay. You care not for the feelings of your opposition, for they are naught but walking meat, ready for slaughter. Lo, you are insane enough to carry your hateful agenda into the world of the living. Sabotage, vandalism, media, spying and terrorism form the key weapons in your devastating arsenal. And when you get caught, and are issued the death sentence, you will only smile and nod to the cameras.

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The arsenal of a blogger.

1. Anonymous: Let's face it, unless you're batshit insane, leave dox on your blog or brag to your friends about your blog, you're nearly anonymous... nearly, until you raise enough of a shitstorm (like bombing the Indian High Commission, then bragging about it on your blog.) and get the attention of the authorities. Well, not much to do, just move on - because if they ban "blogger.com", they're in for some nasty surprise buttsecks.
   
   
2. Logic: Arguments from the enemy faction getting to you?. Don't worry!. With logic, you can cut down those ideas with the greatest of ease and bring back the supporters to your side. For great justice, use their own arguments against them.
   
   
3. Hate: Nothing keeps a blogger's ideals more alive more than burning hate - nothing gives the compelling will to do something more than hate. Adolf Hitler and Friends proved that to us. It is hatred that pulls you to further damaging an enemy's ambitions. That guides to engage a force superior to you in terms of firepower and money. That drives you to acts of insane madness and mirth. It is hatred that defines some bloggers.
   
   
4. A sense of humor: A nice tool to have around. Black comedy, satire and hell, even the clean funnies are appreciated by everyone with a modicum of intelligence. It also increases your overall wanted ratings with the unfunny terror organizations. Hey, what's the difference between a boy scout and a jew?. The boy scout returns from camp!. HA HA!.
   
   
5. Self-Restraint (or lack of it): You want to stay anonymous?. Keep that yapper shut!. You might be damn near invincible with your internet, but out there, in the real world, you're very vulnerable - unless of course you possess superior weapons and a overwhelming deterrence program to shut any authorities up, and a blatant disregard of human life to pull out your bowie knife and disembowel that beardie who charged you, screaming "allahu ackbarr!!". If you do have a deterrence program strong enough to wipe this itty bitty country off the map, then... go fucking nuts!. The best deterrence?. Have a high-yield nuclear weapon with the activators wired to a signal from your heart!. If it stops, then BOOOM!. One whole capital reduced to space dust!. (Bonus points for any lives lost during ensuing tsunami.)
   

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This ends my tongue-in-cheek guide on blogger warfare. I hope you liked it.

PS: Did you hear about the TeeVee for Morons report on internet?. Apparently they have JUST discovered the Israeli Defense Force youtube channel! (golden trolling opportunity! post your favourite gore pics, hitler wallpapers and shit for the lulz.). Now, I'm expecting the mullahs to haraunge Twitter, Facebook and the general internet shit as a "propaganda device" for "teh jewslol". And 10 bucks says they'll ask their cop whores to help ban those sites too. And pretty soon....

Oh noes!. No more internet!.

And then they will see exactly how nasty their "celebrated" 9/11 was. I'll make that Sultan Park bombing look like the pop you hear when you step on a Milo packet. We're talking explosion strong enough to demolish an entire building. Shock and awe those motherfuckers. Now with free youtube video "Message to Sand Nigger Wannabes." :D OMG SO MUCH DRAMA! LOL!.